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For the Ladies: How to tell if your man is a D-bag football fan

This post is inspired by a conversation I had a few weeks ago with my good fried Stephanie. During conversation at a local bar, she told me she watched the New York Yankees @ Kansas City Royals game the previous evening.

Shocked, I asked why she was watching the game, as she has never been a sports fan. Stephanie told me her new man was a HUGE Yankees fan… As the conversation progressed I learned the following:

Her man is NOT from New York, the east coast… and hasn’t even been to New York. He is from somewhere north of KC. I don’t remember where exactly, so I cut him a little slack. He is from an area without a MLB team.

My follow-up question, “Who is his team in the NFL.” She didn’t know, but sent him a text message to ask. My bet was the Dallas Cowboys or New York Giants.

Boom! Yep… both…

Now, I understand this post may upset a few Chiefs Command loyals, but this post is not for you. It is for ladies who may not know much about sports, yet are forced to listen to, and are compelled to believe, everything her man says when it comes to sports.

Before we get into it very deep, there are MANY different types of sports fan D-bags, and not all of these will fit every type of sports fan D-bag, but every sports fan D-bag will exhibit one or more of these characteristics. This list focuses on NFL, but may be applied to other sports as well:

He has never seen “his team” play in-person

This is a BIG one, especially if he lives in a city with its own NFL team. A man who claims a team as his own, yet can’t make the effort to actually see them play should throw up red flags as to the effort he will make when it comes to you.

He stays angry for an extended period of time when his team loses

Yes, even if his team is the hometown team, he is still a D-bag if he is mad the following day or multiple days after a loss. It is a game, and nothing more. There is no direct impact on his life whether his team wins or loses… Ditch this type of D-bag immediately!

He buys you a jersey, t-shirt or hat of “his team”

While this may seem like a sweet gesture, it’s not… He’s not letting you choose “your” own team, he is forcing you to like “his team” because you don’t know any better. Instead, reject the gift, telling him you want to learn the game before choosing a team.

He brags about “his team’s” pre-season record

While it is perfectly acceptable to discuss excitement and worries about the upcoming season based on pre-season performance, it is absolutely not acceptable, or even relevant, to brag about a team’s pre-season record. Pre-season is only practice with another team, where the NFL charges fans out the ass to be able to watch… Nothing else… Uber D-bag!

He wears a jersey of a player who is no longer on the team

This is a different type of D-bag. This D-bag either doesn’t know better, meaning you should take ZERO of his sports discussion seriously, or he is too cheap to buy a new jersey… Which speaks for itself. On the flipside, you should respect a man who has a jersey in the closet of an ex-player, yet decides to go with a plain red (for a Chiefs fan, as an example) polo instead.

Now, there are exceptions to this rule. If a player is an All-Time Great for the team, it is absolutely acceptable to continue to wear the jersey. As a note: It is not yet acceptable for a Chiefs fan to wear a Tony Gonzalez jersey. While he is most definitely an all-time Chiefs great, he is still playing in the NFL for the Atlanta Falcons… The player must be retired from the NFL before bringing back his jersey.

He berates fans of “his team’s” opponents

Basic D-bag move. If he cannot respect and acknowledge there are fans of EVERY team, he may have deeper D-bag issues than are apparent on the surface.

He anoints someone as “Cool” or a “Loser” based on the team gear they are wearing

Now, I am not sure which side is more of a D-bag… But this one speaks for itself.

“His team” is the team of the biggest superstar on his fantasy football team

Another topic with a tight line. It’s ok to root for and watch the games of the fantasy football players who may bring a fantasy championship, ie cash, but if “his team” changes each year and he goes out to buy a jersey with his 1st round draft pick’s name on the back, you are definitely dealing with a D-bag sports fan.

“His team” is the team of his favorite former college player

Along the same lines of the previous topic. It is ok to follow your alma mater’s players, but… Seriously?

He fights or tries to get in fights at sporting events

No explanation needed.

So, ladies…

You have now been warned, your man may, in fact, be a sports fan D-bag. Now, the decision is yours, think long and hard before following the examples and advice of your D-bag sports fan man!

More symptoms of sports fan D-baggery?

I’m sure I have missed some. Tell me in the comments section.

Ladies, do you have specific situations that need clarification before you can tell if your man is a D-bag sports fan?

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