What did I miss?
Last weekend, I was hiking in the rain in Northern Minnesota. Though I was cold and wet, I feel like I had a better time than if I would have been watching the Chiefs game. This week, however, I am going to face the music. The awful, awful Michael McDonald-Lindsey Lohan-Insane Clown Posse collaboration type music that I fear today’s Kansas City Chiefs game will be equivalent to.
I want to say right off the bat that I, like 610 am’s Nick Wright, am a “Suck for Luck” proponent and I will tell you why. There are fifty players not named Jamaal Charles, Tony Moeaki or Eric Berry that have took the field and have collectively done nothing out there. The Chiefs are in a special situation where they can keep everything status quo and run these next thirteen iterations to the 1st pick in the draft by continuing to suck the way they do. Think I am jumping the gun? Have you SEEN how the Chiefs have played?
There is no faster way to 0-16 than keeping Todd Haley as a coach, continuing to throw screen passes without blockers, committing a bunch of personal fouls, whiffing on sack attempts, failing to stop the run and going too strong on the number of defensive backs. You the fan do not even have to endure cognitive dissonance by rooting against the Chiefs. Root for this team but if the Chiefs continue to serve up this horrendous blend of football, Andrew Luck will be a Chief and if you will see it if your eyes haven’t failed yet. In the meantime, the players will not have let up to tank the season. They will try as hard as they can but that will not get them that far.
This team needs a franchise QB and having one is the quickest route to a Super Bowl win. Andrew Luck is not a lock but he is the closest thing to it in a long time. If the Chiefs draft him and he fails, who would blame them? It is a long and gut-wrenching road to getting the first pick. There are some bad teams out there but the Chiefs are in this running for the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. The Chiefs were just good enough when they were in the cellar to miss Matt Ryan, Matt Stafford and Sam Bradford. It’s time to do this thing right. This season is over and I care about getting to the Super Bowl as quickly as possible.
I do not take any joy in this “Suck for Luck” business. It completely pisses me off to no end that the Chiefs are in the cellar and Andrew Luck becoming a Chief is the only way this thing is made right. I wanted to be done with this garbage-ass rebuilding era more than anyone I know. One of the great things about the NFL is that most teams’ fans can look forward to every Sunday because they know that, even if their team is bad, they still may win because any given Sunday, a football team can win. The Chiefs were not that team in 2008 or 2009 and maybe just as awful this year. It is pretty clear that the Chiefs were not as prepared for this season as they should’ve been and, without their best offensive and defensive player, this season is going to be a rough one.
I blame the Clarks
I hear a lot of blame tossed Scott Pioli’s and Todd Haley’s way. They, along with very single member of the Chiefs organization, is to blame for this in my opinion. The man that I blame the most, however, is Clark Hunt. The Chiefs have the most salary cap room of any team in the NFL. I have a name for you – Eric Weddle. He was a safety that was available and, while he may have crowded what was a decent Chiefs secondary but would have been a great use for what is a good amount of wiggle room in the salary cap. I am not saying that free agency is the only way to build a Super Bowl winner but I think there could have been some smart money spent instead of getting marginal players from the Baltimore Ravens.
Clark Hunt has the purse here because Scott Pioli would be an idiot to not spend money on players if he were allowed to. Clark Hunt is content with having his football team go 9-7 (+/- 1 win) and sell a lot of tickets to a fandom I describe as enthusiastic and loyal. If this were baseball, the way Clark Hunt wants this team to be run would be permissible. However, this is the NFL and leaving $30 million dollars on the table in the offseason is not acceptable. Scott Pioli does a decent job of finding talent but the Patriots got to where they are with Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. The other pieces were efficiently put in place.
Clark Hunt is content treating the fans like saps and I think this year is not a good year to do so. This team is not worth stepping into the season to see. You still tailgate, of course, but why in the hell would you go to another game this season? This team is doing everything wrong and this isn’t a slump that will go away by midseason. The Chiefs made the playoffs and Clark was fine with putting on the brakes. It’s choice and right but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t a giant penis. Send a signal to the Chiefs ownership by not buying a ticket or leaving your seat empty.
How to watch the Chiefs-Chargers game:
I have some advice, which is worth next to nothing but this is the way I am going to watch the games. First, prepare for and enjoy pure football schadenfreude. When you have a team that fundamentally fails on every level, it’s actually quite funny and it should be enjoyed when it is so bad. Think about it, they didn’t waste your time and every player is playing like they are high. This is the way it is going to be so find something to like about it. Amuse yourself by how inept this team plays or by the bitch bathrobe Todd Haley is wearing.
Second, remember how the team the Chiefs just played performed when they went 0-16. The Detroit Lions were terrible but you wouldn’t know it by watching Calvin Johnson. Yet every week, the Lions found a way to screw it up. Concentrate on the players that aren’t completely sucking out there. I think this team is going to look worse than it actually is and, next offseason, the Chiefs will have some players to build around. Watch for improvement from these players despite the fact that this is the WRONG 53.
Third, do not feel afraid to watch other games if the Chiefs quickly find themselves in a large points deficit. There is real football out there and you the fan should seek it.
Finally, make a drinking game out of it. The game starts at 3pm CT so, as Tom Brady says, there is plenty of time to get liquored up. Make sure the drinking game’s constraints are within reason lest you end up with the alcohol tolerance of Winston Churchill by the end of the season.
For the Chargers-Chiefs game specifically, I am going to watch how the Chiefs’ safties handles an attack without Antonio Gates. I liked what I saw out of Amon Gordon and I hope to see more good things from him. I want to see some signs of life from the offense. I don’t care how it happens, I just want to see the Chiefs move the ball and not turn it over. Thankfully, the Chiefs’ O-line will not have to block Ndamukong Suh. That certainly helps. I want to see how the Chiefs play the game when they avoid turning the ball over and when they avoid stupid penalties. We may not see that this week but this team is supposed to play a clean game and, if they do, perhaps they could break the double-digit points mark.
Just do whatever you can to not avoid throw up. I don’t know about you but I am tired of taking my Derrick Thomas jersey to the dry-cleaners. I predict a Chiefs loss, It could be by fifty, fifteen or five but I do not see a win happening today. So, having said all this, watch the Chief win. You are welcome. One more thing: I guess I really do miss that guy riding around in a Rascal.